


Fated.

by greengoddess3



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety, Fate & Destiny, First Meetings, Fluff, Friendship, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Long-Distance Friendship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Relationship(s), Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-05-29 18:00:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15078617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greengoddess3/pseuds/greengoddess3
Summary: Alec Lightwood. A man of many actions and few words. Who believed in doing as you say and not saying what you do. Content in safety and the comfort of the familiar. But what happens on that fateful day when he runs into a man who questions all that he comes to know as true? Why can't he seem to get this man out of his head?AKA when soul mates collide and all the beautiful destruction that is sure to follow.





	1. Inescapable.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fic and I'm super excited to share it with you. Please let me know what you think! I'm always open to feedback/suggestions. This starts out pretty heavy but it gets lighter I promise! I love these boys so want to bring them alive the best I can. I have more of this written so if you guys like it I'll keep posting. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Alec Lightwood was not a man of many words, he preferred action. Like the way his toes would curl as he came undone against a warm body, or the the way he would be gone by morning, leaving not even a trace of his intimate night of passion with a beautiful stranger.

You see actions left no worry of misunderstanding; actions were direct, without hope and immediate if not fleeting. After everything that had happened in his past, Alec learnt the art of asking but never telling; leaving no space for curiosity to bloom from the depths of wonder. For to be intrigued by another was a dangerous game, never quite knowing their true intention or the length of their presence in your life. A constant fear of their departure once they had climbed your walls and realised the prize on the other side was not one they desired. A fear that Alec has long learnt to bury in the pretence of regular but fugitive intimate connections with willing participants. The only type of connection Alec would afford himself to indulge in: his saving grace.

If not for survival, then for the convenience of knowing he was always safe, protected from the uncertainty of the heart. A heart, his heart, that he knew had been battered enough at the hands of another, a heart that he will never again allow to beat without remorse. The consequences of the foolishness of his youth, Alec’s heart was nothing but a function of his existence, hidden beneath and within a cage he has long forgotten how to unlock. In the midst of it all, Alec knew he could not run forever, but he was content in his ability to remain alluring to others. A notion that was once lost to him but something he has long come to embrace. Rather, he was comfortable to remain unseen, even whilst seemingly bearing all in moments of passion.

If Alec had learnt anything from his past lovers, it was that life was lived in moments, every breath, every caress a slow rise towards ecstasy. But just as quickly as you shall rise, so sudden and great is your fall. A fall that he was well accustomed to, a fall he would expect, a fall that has become a reality of his avoidance of anything ‘more’. ‘Less’ was where Alec would rather dwell, an arena that provided a glimpse of his concealed nature, never remaining long enough to entertain possibility.

As was his proclivity for stability, Alec lived by a strict code that allowed him freedom to fulfil the desires of the flesh, whilst simultaneously affording him the luxuries of life. His thirst for travel and adventure granted him the gift of knowledge; learning of the world without disrupting his own. Such was the beauty of his chosen career, a man of the mind and logical thinking, a keeper of all that lay dormant beneath and beyond. The history of humanity sparked his desire to connect with others beyond the realms of uncertainty. The only words he could trust, were crafted upon the pages which documented the formation of ancient civilisations. The rise and fall of empires, discovery of vast lands and people. The conquests of the eager and cunning, the secrets of the formidable. For within these pages and documents lay a great mystery, an unknown which could be realistically justified without concern.

Predictability, the marker of reason and truth, proven steady by factual recounts, analytically sound and legitimate. If Alec knew anything it was that history could not be be altered, rather it functioned as a reminder of the plights of human expansion and in many cases the destruction of all that was temporary. Empires built without formidable reason and harsh rule were ultimately doomed, exposed to the actions of heartless enemies who’s only desire was in the ultimate destruction of another and a lack of pity for the vulnerable. For vulnerability was treacherous and if history was anything to learn from, a sure factor of one’s demise.Something his own personal history had solidified.

Never quite sure of what the future may hold, Alec decided to live only for the tangible, for what he could hold true in these immediate moments. In the joy of his siblings, the laughter of children, the success of his colleagues and promise of snow in the winter. As far as Alec was concerned tomorrow will not be if not for the actions of today and yesterday is but a page in the narration of his survival.

If Alec was to know what this particular day was to bring he surely would have locked his doors, shut his blinds and waited for the storm that was certain to pass. How one man could cause the cracks to slowly emerge in his once perfectly crafted persona was beyond his capacity to believe. Alec will never understand how futile his efforts to remain impenetrable had become. If not for this sudden disturbance, his empire would surely remain untouched, impervious to the curiosity of those who see beyond the walls and carefully crafted barriers.

Unfortunately for Alec, life has a funny way of reminding us that no matter how hard we try, eventually some things are just destined to happen.

———

‘Coffee?’

Alec awoke in a daze. The man that stood before him raking his eyes down his half naked torso, a glint in his eye that marked the passion they shared in the very bed he now lay. Winking at him, the man exited the foreign bedroom, Alec quickly retrieved his clothes that were scattered hap hazardously among the man’s own. This was not how these connections were supposed to end, an error in his judgement to ignore his fatigue in favour of his desires.

The many weeks and late nights of researching and writing had left Alec exhausted. With this exhaustion came his need to release the tension that had built deep within him. His siblings constantly nagging him to leave the comforts of his apartment in favour of enjoying the nights among the youth. Over consuming strong substances which left you without the ability to make conscious decision, something Alec knew lead him down a dark path of regret. The nights he allowed himself to indulge his sister’s pleads he never found himself to leave alone, always in the arms of a willing companion. But as was Alec’s rule, never in their presence for long enough to allow any semblance of comfort or familiarity. Rather purely to meet a need, an itch, an evanescent desire to feel connected to another.

So here Alec stood, in front of this man who’s body he had been satiated by. He knew this satisfaction was not everlasting but at least he would be content to continue his daily functions without distraction. This however, this was an occurrence he carefully avoided, waking up in the bed of a stranger, with the awkward and dubious conversation that was sure to follow.

‘Leaving so soon? I thought after the way you truly ruined me last night I’d at least reward you for your……. performance.’

Alec stood frozen, looking anywhere but the man’s eyes, trying to avoid the guilt that ultimately plagued him. Avoiding what he truly yearned for but chose to strictly ignore. His brain was working beyond its usually calm and calculating nature, navigating through a maze of attempts to suppress his feelings, focusing rather on how to escape this man’s attempts to craft a familiar relation.

‘Um...I should really be going, I have a lot of work to do, sorry.’

The look in the man’s eye was if not disappointed but something he would seemingly neglect in a propensity to remain unattached.

‘Bye.’

And so Alec ran, never looking back and plagued by his stupidity for allowing himself to deviate from routine. Not a man to escape his immediate problems, his rather blunt nature caused him to avoid issues he knew to cause him indecision in the future. For Alec did not linger, he did not wonder and he definitely did not entertain hope. This morning’s events however caught him off guard, beyond his own comprehension and so, without thought, he ran. He ran until his lungs burned with fatigue; sharps pains that ripped throughout his chest causing him to double over in exhaustion. Naturally athletic and conscious of his body, Alec did not usually tire easily in physical pursuits. But of course today was nothing if not marked by the possibilities of something new, something destructive yet redeeming, something his racing thoughts had laid privy to.

‘Are you okay?’

Alec was caught off guard by the velvet like voice that made every hair on his sweat drenched body stand on edge. As he stood from his hunched over position, Alec was taken back by the man that stood before him. A man whose smooth caramel skin glistened in the rays of the early morning sun. A man whose clothes clung to his toned body like they were made for him and only him. With his soft dark hair that lay effortlessly across his forehead, structured yet gentle face and piercing eyes, Alec was enraptured.

‘I’m…ugh…f-fine..thanks.’

Alec did not stutter, but this man, this beautiful and radiant man who stood before him had caused an eruption within his stomach. His already racing thoughts surging forward, followed by the thumping of his once steady pulse. Alec had never seen a more fascinating man. Handsome did nothing to describe this man’s captivating beauty, did nothing to explain the tempest of emotions surging throughout Alec’s body.

‘Well, it appears my dear that you are not and I would be not a gentleman if I didn't come to your aid.’

The gentleness of the man’s voice was not lost on Alec, if anything it felt familiar, as if it had once cradled him in times of need. Alec finally took a moment to look the man properly in the eyes and here, this is where he truly came undone. For the beautiful kohl rimmed slanted brown eyes, full of such concern and worry, delicate yet formidable, had caused a sudden shift within Alec. In the midst of his current lack of composure, Alec was not conscious of the subtle unlocking of a door that has remained heavily locked within him for many years. A door that held at bay the very notions of uncertainty that he avoided.

‘Well, thank you…but I should be going.’

Alec turned in a fluster, a war waging within him on whether to stay in the presence of this incandescent man or escape to the safety of his apartment.

‘Wait!’

How Alec was able resist such a tender yet commanding voice was a bewilderment that he would carry for many years to come. For today, the anarchy of the morning’s events and the perplexity of Alec’s actions were enough. He could only bear a certain amount of spontaneous events for one day and if today’s deviation from his usual dealings was anything to comprehend, his future affairs would serve as a reminder of life’s unrestrained facility for transformation.

‘I’m Magnus! Can I….’

Magnus, _Magnus_ , a name that would bring Alec to his knees in mere reverence. To worship and bask in the glory of being in the presence of such a soul. A name that could barely contain the beautiful destruction and dismantling of rigid structures that Alec has carefully built in a bid to protect his true essence.

But today, today of all days, today was not a day for reflection, not a day to stand in awe and amazement with a curious glance at the wonders that stood before you. Not a day to question the decisions of the past or dream of the prospects of the future. Today was a day that was certain long before Alec’s existence, an anomaly within the functions of everyday life. A day of chaos and uprootal, a day that would alter the foundations of Alec’s survival, a day of almighty force and synchronicity.

A day where possibility became probability and Alec truly became alive.


	2. Chance.

The spontaneity of life was something that fuelled Magnus’s desire to exist on these earthly plains. His parents always taught him to value every moment, as if nothing is promised but one must always remain content in all that is given. These familiar notions could be found throughout Magnus’s exciting life, a man of the heart whose preference was to grant his feeling authority over his decisions, but not without consideration. Magnus believed in the beauty of the human spirit, in our need and yearning as a people to feel truly connected to each other. If not to learn from each other’s experiences, but to revel in the extravagance of the gifts of humanity. If ever Magnus believed in the power of the Universe, today, today was surely the day to prove his faith in the unknown.

‘Magnus!’

The man snapped his gaze back to where his eager sister was staring at him in confusion and wonder. Amelia, his beautiful and strong sister, a woman of her own who taught him what it means to be free and in the face of pain and misery, live without bounds.

‘I’ve been talking to you for the past 10 minutes. Did you even hear anything I said? What is going on with you today bro?’

If only she knew. If only she knew of the burning heat that was radiating across Magnus’s skin as he was lost in a trance filled with beats of sweat rolling down a beautiful stranger’s long neck. The heavy rise and fall of a strong muscular chest, soft yet fluffy hair in a state of disarray and the most striking oval shaped eyes; a shade of blue that even the most lucid oceans could not compare.

‘I’m fine my dearest Amelia, just contemplating the blessings of man.’

Amelia was nothing if not perplexed. Never has she seen her brother so quiet and stunned. Even in his youth, he was as alive as ever, commanding the attention of many but only truly giving to a few. Known to all but knowing only those he deemed as worthy of his loving yet dramatic nature. In all the misery he has faced from broken hearts and lost lovers, her brother was never so….so……bewitched. Trapped in a serendipitous haze; lost to his surroundings in favour of something only he can materialise.

However, in true Amelia fashion she never allowed a moment to dwell too long before she was embracing the next.

‘Ha! Since when are you so reverent big bro. Anyway whatever this vibe is, sort it out before Friday, I’m only turning 25 once! Love ya!’

Kissing his cheek in a hurry, Amelia skipped out the door of the small but quaint cafe leaving her brother to contemplate the sudden events of his morning. A morning which began as a simple breakfast date with his sister but became the birth of a complicated flurry of emotions that he was eager to understand. The random meeting of the beautifully flustered man becoming a cradle for the tingling sensations vibrating along Magnus’s limbs. He longed to be taken back to that moment, less than 30 minutes ago, when outside this very cafe that man’s astonishing beauty took his breath away. He closed his eyes and began his breathing exercises, a useless attempt to still his rapidly beating heart. Magnus was bought back to reality by the buzzing of his phone on the table.

 

 _10:03am:_  
_Amelia - Thanks for buying me breakfast!_

His darling Amelia, beautiful, fleeting but a massive pain in the arse.

——

Six days, Six long days, Six long and tormenting days since Alec had met the beautiful and alluring stranger. Five nights of restless slumber and sweat induced sleep. The coffee mugs littered throughout his apartment a symbol of his desire to distract himself from the chaos that has plagued his every thought. The more Alec attempted to ignore the heaviness in his gut, the worse his anxiety became. Five days of burrowing himself in historical research and he had written no more than one word towards his future publication. A deep unease vibrated beneath his skin, one that could not be banished no matter how aggressively he scrubbed his skin raw.

After that fateful meeting, Alec was truly lost. How could one man wreck such havoc in another’s life in the mere space of ten minutes? Annoyed with this inability to banish this unfamiliar agitation, Alec did what he knew best, he rejected, ignored and evaded any indication of his state of disarray. When he awoke that Friday morning, he committed to a renewed sense of being. One that would resume his previous eluding appearance in the face of the unknown. One that would afford him to bask in a night masked by celebrations of life that remind us that age does not escape us, even for his effervescent best friend. One who seemingly has no respect for the privacy of another’s dwelling or the notion of personal space.

‘Alllexxannnnderrrr.’

Before he knew it, Amelia was charging towards him with enough speed for her long, luscious hair to trail behind her. With all her excitement she leapt into his arms, her zest for life not going unnoticed.

‘Happy Birthday beautiful!’

Alec bent down to kiss her cheek, her small statue a gross underestimation of her boisterous nature.

‘Where have you been!?

‘Around.’

‘As mysterious as ever I see.’

‘You know me.’

‘Probably why I keep coming back for more.’

This friendly banter was one of the many reasons Alec valued Amelia’s friendship. She always knew when to switch from the loyal friend, to the influential older sister, even though she was younger than him. Amelia was stable, a constant force in his life, one he knew to be true and formidable, who he has long come to revere as his most trusted ally. A stability in friendship which welcomed his blunt and direct nature. A stability which was not hung up on emotion filled declarations of friendship but rather a mutual understanding of their everlasting connection - the only one of its kind that he will ever allow.

‘Well I just came to check you were alive. See you tonight and thanks for the coffee!’

Ah, Amelia, always taking what isn't hers but what she believes should be. Never allowing another to question her desires, for much like Alec she lived for only the tangible.

 

Before Alec knew it, the day became night and Amelia’s visit had brought him back to his welcome reality. In the long duration of their friendship, they had spent many nights among the bodies that frequented Mirage, a multi levelled establishment that welcomed those of all walks of life. As he sat by one of the many bars, his eyes gazed to the thrown back heads, as his siblings indulged in shots of tequila followed by the laughter of Amelia as she sloppily danced around the tables. After the pandemonium of the last week, Alec was content in the familiarity of the people in his company.

‘Hey handsome.’

Alec turned to be met by beautiful green eyes, short curly hair and a lean body that he knew he would ravish before the night’s end.

‘Hey yourself.’

Alec flashed his dazzling smile, a smile that he knew caught the eyes of his many willing suitors. The man he would come to know as Peter, was eager if not enthusiastic; possessing a cockiness Alec was confident he would dismantle.

‘Want to get out of here?’

Alec pondered the suggestion. Usually he would indulge at least a drink before finding a compliant body to entertain for the night. However Alec needed this release, craved to have the uncertainty he had been burying for the past week, emancipated from his skin. He wanted nothing more than to regain his control, even if it came at the hands of bringing another to their exposed self. For here they were too distracted to notice him at his most vulnerable; when all the walls would shake and all the barriers topple, in the yearning of his soul to truly feel connected.

So Alec did what he was accustomed to, throwing back the last of his whiskey, turning to inform his siblings and Amelia of his departure. However, once again fate could not be alluded and the violent humming beneath his skin resumed. For from the corner of the room, sitting amongst Amelia and his siblings was that beautiful stranger that caused this uneasiness that for the past week, plagued his every conscious moment. Once gain and without justifiable reason, Alec was captivated as the name rolled off his tongue like a pray of the highest degree.

‘…..Magnus.’


	3. Ruptures.

Coming home to celebrate his sister’s 25th birthday was a welcome return to the country he spent his formative years. It had been five years since Magnus had left New York and moved to London for work. The large but intimate bar Mirage had been one of the first places his brothers had brought Amelia when she turned 21. To say he loved being surrounded by such an inclusive and friendly atmosphere was indescribable. In the comforts of this place he had his first kiss, passed out many times in the toilets and spent just as many nights grinding amongst warm bodies on the dance floor. Tonight however was all about his sister, her welcoming into another year of adulthood and many more hilarious anecdotes. He was content to sit back and engage in catching up with his brothers, meeting Amelia’s friends and watching as Amelia enjoyed one too many drinks at the expense of all their sanity.

Amelia’s laughter rang throughout the group, glancing away from his current conversation to see the source of her joy, Magnus was nothing less than startled as his eyes were met by those enchanting blue eyes which for the past week have been permanent fixtures in his daily thoughts. His clients had noted how his tastes had been dramatically transformed. Every piece of art, furniture or manchester he suggested to them, a different shade of blue. As if his once colourful yet simple nature had been encompassed by an exhilarating new palette. Eager to learn this fascinating man’s name, Magnus stood slowly, conscious of his every movement, aware of the trance like state his body was enacting. He had to know this man, had to hear his deep and seductive voice once more. He yearned to know what those toned forearms felt like under his hands and the softness of those plump lips as they lazily trailed along his skin.

All to soon his stupor was broken, for as quickly as the man looked into his eyes, he was distracted as the arm of another wrapped around his waist and whispered into his ear. The man looked back to Magnus, an array of conflicting emotions flurrying across his eyes. Within a blink however, those beautiful gentle blue eyes assumed a stony appearance, one that Magnus could not place. The man turned his gaze away from Magnus, a quick kiss placed to his companion’s lips, as he was dragged from the bar and out into the bustling streets of Brooklyn.

A crushing sensation gripped Magnus’s heart. This nameless man, this effortless beautiful and captivating man, this man he had been obsessing over for the past week had so quickly robbed from the clutches of his passivity.

For once, Magnus truly felt empty.

———

Alec sat in the backseat of the Uber as Peter peppered eager kisses to his neck, his hand trailing up and down his thigh, stopping dangerously close to his crotch, as it travelled around his most intimate parts. Alec normally loved this part of the proceedings, the eagerness and anticipation for the ecstasy that was sure to accompany these ministrations. Tonight, much like the past week, was nothing of the usual, nothing of the familiar and nothing if not another knock to Alec’s unending frustrations.

‘I like this game. You ignore me whilst I show you all the attention and before long I’m naked and singing your name between the sheets. That’s hot.’

Before he knew Alec’s burning annoyance lead him to those very sheets, deep into the chambers of Peter’s intimate warmth and desire. His release emerged all too quickly, a hopeful exoneration of his recent apprehension. He had waited in anticipation for Peter’s eventual slumber, eerily alert, as if his body remembered the events of his ‘morning after’ last weekend. Hurriedly leaving his hotel, Alec promptly made his way back home to his apartment.

Home, a once stable and warm dwelling, unaffected by uncertainty and the actions of others, his only safe and comfortable space. Hastily showering, yearning for the comfort of his bed, Alec laid upon his sheet pondering the events of the night. Peter had provided him the satisfaction and reminder his need for predictability. A familiar uniformity that a certain stranger’s beauty had disrupted.

A certain stranger, Magnus. Just as quickly as Alec’s unease was vanished did that uncertain burning in his limbs resume its sure torment of his mind. He remembered earlier in the night when he had locked eyes with Magnus, those gentle and captivating eyes, those tender yet powerful eyes, the eyes he could get lost in forever. Those eyes that he would follow into the depths of demise, if only to have them look at him with the same gentleness and concern he had experienced. Those eyes he had watched begin to water as he shut himself off to their power as he allowed himself to be dragged into Peter’s clutches. Those friendly eyes that spoke of possibilities, of hope, of intimacy and comforts. Those eyes that made him feel everything he had promised himself he would never have, could never have, once had.

And for the first time in over a decade, Alec craved _more_.

———

Alec was awoken by the disrespectful buzzing of his phone under his pillow. He checked the time on the clock that hung over his door, 7.40am. 7.40am on a Saturday morning was just a plain rude time to be bothering someone.

‘Alec Gideon Lightwood!!! Where the hell are you!?’

‘Ugh, Amelia. Really? Are you still drunk? It’s way to early to be annoying me with your loud voice.’

‘I just want to know how you always manage to find a cute boy for a night. It was MY birthday! That should have been me! RUDE!’

Alec rolled his eyes. In typical Amelia behaviour, she found ways to dramatise even the most pointless of occurrences.

‘Well maybe less tequila is your way to glory. If you know what I mean.’

‘Alec!’

Barely containing her laughter, Amelia was back to her cheerful and slightly ‘less drunk?’ self.

‘I fucking love ya. I’m still mad at you for leaving so early though, I wanted to introduce you to my brother visiting from London.’

Another brother? Alec would never understand where Amelia hid all these familial relations. As an only child, Alec’s family get togethers were small if not scarce. In all truth Amelia was his family, his relationship with his deeply religious parents strained ever since the actions of ‘he who shall not be named’ revealed his seemingly well hidden and ‘forbidden’ lifestyle.

‘Magnus was so excited to meet my brother from another mother.’

All breath suddenly left Alec’s body.

‘Ma…Magnus?’

Alec did… not… stutter, but to hear the name that has been branded on his brain for little under a week, to hear the name of that beautiful and caring stranger, to remember those captivating brown eyes, consumed his every feeling.

‘Yes, Magnus. My bro. London. Wanted to meet you? Hello!? Alec, you're scaring me, are you okay?’

The change in Amelia’s tone forced Alec to momentarily focus. Just when he thought he had brought himself under control, his body had betrayed him.

‘Alec? Alec! Hello!?………..Alec, I’m coming over right now.’

Amelia’s stern tone rang into his left ear and before he had chance to reply she had hung up.

Within 15 minutes Amelia was at his door. Living close to your best friend had its curses but Alec would not ignore the safety of knowing she was close.

‘Okay. Spill.’

Alec sat across from Amelia in the large arm chair, head throbbing from an array of stimulus. The pain and longing in his face absent to most, but Amelia was way beyond ‘most’, she could distinguish the subtlest changes in his character.

‘It’s nothing Mels.’

He should have known that attempting to mask his voice around his best friend would only peak her curiosity further.

‘What happened to make you go comatose at the mere mention of my brother’s name? Did he hurt you!? I’ll kill him!’

Alec could always count on the prevalence of Amelia’s loyalty.

‘No. Quite the opposite actually.’

Alec rubbed his right thumb on his thigh. A bodily function that he had long come to demise as a indicator known by few to his unease.

‘You’re uneasy. You don't get uneasy. You haven't been uneasy since…..You know him….don’t you.’

Alec watched the realisation spark in Amelia’s eyes, her mouth morphing into a mischievous smirk, a sure symbol of her own brand of anarchy. Amelia continued to stare at Alec, he felt her penetrating eyes slowly but surely dismantle his attempts to conceal the uncertain feelings creating mayhem beneath his skin.

‘Wait you like him? OMG! Alec! Why didn't you tell me!? You two could have been long in love by now and married with a beautiful house and picket fence. You know ever since ‘you know who’, I always hoped you would find a chance at love…’

The agitation and fury from the past weeks suffering was bubbling within Alec, a cover for the feelings he could no longer ignore.

‘AMELIA! STOP!’

The moment the words left his mouth, Alec already knew he was remorseful for exploding at his best friend like that. Her shock ridden features quickly morphing into the definition of guilt. Alec hated to see Amelia in any sort of pain, especially pain he had unwilling placed within her gentle being.

‘Amelia…Amelia, I am so sorry.’

A gentle caress was all it took for her body to relax; as they melted into each other’s arms with whispers of remorse. Amelia rested her forehead to his chest, in a bid to instil that familiar comfort of her embrace into his heart.

‘Talk to me, Alec. You know I just want you to be happy.’

‘I know Amelia, but I am happy.’

‘Telling yourself you have something and actually having it are two very different phenomenas. You haven't been yourself all week’

Amelia carefully mapped his features. He knew he could not hide from her forever, sooner or later, her ambitious nature would have him spilling words even he refused to acknowledge. The only person to be present during his darkest moments, when the love and joy he once shared was so cunningly ripped from him.

‘I…Mag….he…we…ughhh!’

Alec did not stutter!!! So why was he struggling to express even the most basic of feelings. Yes, he didn't always have the most eloquent way with words, but that did not mean he could not properly express what he was thinking.

‘Alec. It’s okay. Slow down, come sit, start from the beginning.’


	4. Crossroads.

It had been three weeks since Magnus had arrived back home to New York, one week since meeting the man he has long admitted he is infatuated with, another week since their second brief encounter at Amelia’s birthday.  His once alluring dreams of blue skies, clear oceans and captivating eyes, were now plagued by the torment of a missed opportunity. He had cancelled all his appointments for the week, clients that had waited months for his services outraged at his lack of professionalism. Magnus however did not care for the materialistic opinions of his more wealthy clients. He had lost his muse, a man he had yearned for, who had slipped through his fingers into the arms of another. He had not looked at his phone for more than 48 hours, but was sure he would be bombarded by abuse from his assistants for his lack of care.

His final weekend in New York was to be spent with his family, enjoying his last moments with his brothers and sisters, graciously hosted by Amelia. At least Magnus may leave this place with some sombre of calm to mask the ache and indescribable hunger that had consumed him during his time here. 

Amelia lived in a beautiful open loft, the serenity of her space astonishing among the hustle of the Brooklyn. Magnus stood on her wide balcony as the night fell and the city lights awoke, wine glass in hand, promising himself he would not leave this place with any misery in his heart, attempting rather to absorb the harmony of his current surroundings.

All too suddenly he felt a warm body sidle up against him, followed by a dangerous voice that against his true desires, he had tortured himself to attempt to erase from his memories.

‘Hey Magnus.’

Magnus turned suddenly and there he was. The man he had spent every waking moment over the past two weeks anguishing over. A man who without much effort had brought the greatest suffering yet the greatest joy and happiness he had ever experienced. Although they had hardly had a proper conversation, Magnus knew there was something in this man’s eyes that he would never escape.  

‘Hi…um.’

‘Alec.’

  _Alec._ Hearing his name felt like a thousand needles being pushed into his skin. Alexander: the destroyer, a meaning fitting for the chaos this man had established within the depths of Magnus’s soul.

‘Nice to finally put a name to a familiar face.’

A familiar face. Magnus could not lift his gaze from Alec’s eyes in all his valiant efforts. Those eyes, those beautiful and tender blue eyes which reflected lifetimes of anguish masked by indifference and….gratitude?

‘I wanted to thank you, for stopping to assist me that day.’

The words ‘for you, anything’ flittered across Magnus’s brain, but he caught himself before his rapidly beating heart betrayed him.

‘It’s nothing dear. I’m always here to aid a lost soul like my own, such is my apparent nature.’

Lost soul? Did he even believe those words anymore, for surely here and now, in this eyes of this man he had been found. The constant ache for a person who he could come to truly love, who amidst the facade of his everyday dealings, saw him for who he genuinely was. Saw the tear tracks that had long dried upon his cheeks, long after he had washed them away. Gave him strength to run towards his pain, not from it, towards a possibility of salvation. Towards a possibility of freedom from the depths of the despair mirrored by a constantly broken heart. He promised himself he would no longer rush hastily into fleeting connections, no longer bear himself to those who only wished to gain from him but never give more than is required. Here, in this man’s eyes, he could not hide, but rather he felt confident and steady, as if whatever is to come will not be undone by minor inconveniences. 

‘I just…’

Magnus watched from the side as Alec gaze flittered among the many lights glistening against the dark sky. Shoulders hunched and a tension in his jaw, as if thousands of words were forcing them selves free from behind his teeth.

‘I need you to know that I can’t stop thinking about you. I don't even know that I want to stop.’

Magnus was taken back, if not intrigued by Alec’s blunt nature. A welcome transition from the elusive words often whispered into his embrace, always promising more, but always offering less.

‘I know it’s horribly unfair of me since you're going back to London tomorrow but I couldn't let you leave without seeing you one more time.’

Alec moved his hand along the balcony railing to clutch at Magnus’s forearm. The smallest of touches that sent shivers throughout his entire being. An electric shock that penetrated the depths of his core, forcing him to face this beautiful man front on.

‘I don’t think you know how happy I am to hear you say that.’

Magnus knew he could not let this man go. Now that he had him here in his clutches, he had to make sure he willing remained. Moving without haste he slowly caressed the Alec’s forearms, darting his eyes between Alec’s own and those perfectly plump and kissable lips he has fantasied about capturing as his own. ‘Alexander, may I kiss you?’ The small nod of Alec’s head as his eyes bore into Magnus’ own caused an eruption within Magnus. Slowly but surely, he moved towards the man’s face, to Magnus it felt like the most tedious journey.

‘OMG! FINALLY!’

Amelia’s voice echoed onto the balcony, as Alec and his own body jolted back from one another. The moment he had been wishing for once again ripped from right beneath his hands.

‘Honestly Amelia!?’

Alec sighed in earnest. A familiar reaction, one Magnus often expressed in their youth to his annoying little sister who tortured his teenage years.

‘What? Being cupid isn't as easy as it looks. I deserve this.’

Alec chuckled and Magnus, well honestly Magnus was far beyond any healthy level of comprehension. He hoped to be privileged enough to hear that beautiful sound again and maybe, just maybe he could be the one to make it organically occur.

‘We’ll see.’

Magnus returned his attentions to Alec, a hopeful look in his eyes only made more ravishing by the slight smirk on his face. Magnus could not make much sense of the rapid turn of events before him. A mere few hours ago he was ready to leave this familiar yet harrowing place and forget the despair of the past three weeks. This balcony, with its beautiful views and open birth, had become something of an arena for Magnus and Alec. A space for them to release their uncertainty in favour of embracing possibility, however unsure they may be. Somewhere between them, Magnus felt a tremendous calm, as if here in this moment, in this man’s presence, is the only place he is meant to be.

Call it fate or just well considered free will, Magnus realised that -much like Amelia had liked to remind him - he seemingly had truly uncovered his destiny.

——

Slow and steady, just how Amelia had told him. After he had told her of the torment of his attraction to Magnus, she had been nothing but supportive. After his parents rejection of him by the hands of his first true love, Amelia had been his only salvation. The many nights he had cried on her parent’s couch, the many moments she had stopped him from ending it all, Amelia was the only person he trusted more than himself. It had been a long time since he had allowed himself to be open to his profound and intense feels, yet for some reason merely remembering Magnus’s familiar face brought him tranquility. Familiar. A word Alec has all too become accustomed to. A word that has kept him safe. A word that speaks of everything and nothing of Magnus’s presence in his life. As if through uncertainty and familiarity, Alec was awoken from an unconscious slumber that he had long since embraced. 

 After that fateful night on Amelia’s balcony where Alec had granted Magnus a small piece of his carefully concealed soul, they had exchanged numbers with the promise to stay in touch. Knowing he would never seen Magnus again had made him slightly bitter. For just when he had permitted the possibility of a connection, Magnus had left to resume his life abroad. 

 The need to be fulfilled by another for the night, a mere semblance of what once was. Although, in the month since Magnus had left they had barely spoken, Alec awoke everyday with a renewed lease on life. An excitement for the unknown, for the possibilities that lay ahead and a hope for a future laced with a negotiation between the habitual and unfamiliar. ‘Balance, dear’, Magnus’s frequent reminder that one must not dwell too long on one side of the coin, for in time the coin will flip, either by your own or another’s action. Magnus’s mere presence had taught Alec that you can never be quite sure of the events of everyday life, every action a negotiation of a maze of temporary moments. Yet still, amongst the chaos, you must learn to craft your own stability, something from within that you rely on to act as your internal compass, staying true to yourself without apology.

 The rewards of his recent transformation in thinking came late one Tuesday afternoon, when the winds blew a careful breeze through his open windows. Alec was relaxing on the lounge, indulging in a well deserved glass of white wine and delicacies he picked up at his local gourmet market.

  _5.47pm:_

_Magnus - Hey stranger :)_

  _5.48pm:_

_Alec - You're hardly a stranger Magnus ;)_

  _5.53pm:_

_Magnus - Do you mind if I call you?_

  _5.54pm_

_Alec - I’d be upset if you didn’t._

Before he knew it, Magnus’s magnificent eyes were staring into his own. After a month of not seeing the man, Alec was overcome with an array of emotions: awe, longing, nervousness but still amongst all calm. 

‘Hey stranger.’

Alec chuckled.

‘You already said that Magnus.’

Magnus’s eyes glistened with mirth.

‘Yes but before I wasn’t looking into those wonderful eyes.’

Alec felt his heart jump at Magnus’s brazenness.

‘Be careful sir. You're going to make me swoon.’

‘Be honest Alexander, you already have.’

The casual ease with which Magnus easily transitioned into the new moniker was not lost on Alec. They spent what felt like hours just admiring each other, staring into each other’s eyes in silence conversation that only those who truly knew each other would.

‘Magnus.’

‘Alec.’

Both promptly laughing at their synchronisation, the change in tone effortless but pleasant.

‘I just wanted to apologise for being MIA over the past couple of weeks. I know I promised I would contact you but since getting back to London I’ve hardly had a moment to myself.’

Alec was nothing but endeared by the man’s desire to apologise.

‘Magnus. It’s honestly okay, I understand. I won’t say I didn't wonder where you were but I also respected your silence. Please don't worry.’

 A gentle smile took over Magnus’s features. Alec took a moment to track his face, noticing the subtle yet sexy stubble that now adorned his features. 

 'You’re too good to me dear.’

 ‘I try.’

 Alec knew the weight of that confession may not be fully understood by Magnus in this very moment, but he knew that he would probably never stop trying for this man.

 

As April became May and August become September, Alec and Magnus maintained their correspondence. Magnus often expressed his desire to return home and hopefully be privileged with time to share in Alec’s company. With his renewed hope, Alec was now embracing  his recent ambitious nature, something Magnus frequently took credit for.

When his research required him to travel abroad once more, Alec was jumping at the chance to be closer to Magnus. Invited to guest lecture at Oxford University, Alec was hopeful that Amelia’s frequent rambling of destiny and fated lovers would finally come to heed. He was planning to land in early October, a couple of days before Magnus’s birthday, hoping his presence was enough of surprise to make his 32nd birthday one to remember.

For, Alec had come to learn that the birthdays of people he cared for, often had a funny way of pushing him into new and unchartered territories. 

Maybe, just maybe, he hoped that this would be his own special kind of celebration.


	5. Bygones.

Magnus was anxious, if not uncertain. In the months that he and Alec had begun the building of their budding friendship, Magnus had long forgotten what it felt like to be so on edge. Maybe it was the anxiety of adding another year onto this multi chaptered fiction that we call life. Another year of waking up in a cold bed, another year of long work weeks followed by long and alcohol filled weekends. Quite frankly he was exhausted, constantly searching for renewal and a chance at something new, foreign, fascinating, _deeper._

Deep: dark, dangerous, daunting. All words Magnus has come to associate with his constant yearning for a true companion. All words he thought he had long disassociated himself from when Alec arrived in his life.

So what was this feeling of impending doom that laced his every thought? Why did he feel that just as quickly as he had found some sense of stability it would be ripped from his very being?

‘Magnus Bane. You’re not missing your own birthday party.’

Magnus loved to throw parties, but for some reason today, even the kindest words of persuasion from his best friend Catarina weren't suffice.

‘Cat. Ughhhhhhh. I don't feel well.’

‘Oh boo. You're so dramatic! Come on you love a good party. Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?’

Currently laying across his day bed, arm flung loosely across his face, Magnus was too comfortable to even entertain moving his limbs.

‘Magnus, it’s 6.30pm, people will start arriving here at 7. I’m going to make drinks, you better be ready when I get back.’

Too tired to argue, Magnus lazily sauntered his way to the master bedroom. Putting his music on shuffle, he sat at his vanity to begin the complex task of constructing ‘Magnus Bane’. A name of great power and authority, a name that was known to many in his circles. The name he had chosen during the early stages of his career, fitting for a formidable man. 

A name he wished to spill only from one man’s tongue.

He had not spoken to Alec in a few days, noticing a steady decline in his once frequent Instagram photos of the historical monuments he frequented in his travels among snippets of his cat, Church. Magnus had a special album on his phone purely containing pictures that Alec had sent him of the beautiful cross breed. Okay well, maybe they also contained another fine, blue eyed specimen, but who was he to complain?

Magnus heard the opening of his front door, as loud voices and chatter began to fill his loft. Giving him to the promise of a energetic atmosphere surrounded by enjoyable company, he placed the last of his many ringers on his slender fingers and left his room, only to be caught in a strong embrace.

‘Magnus!’

A familiar voice vibrated through Magnus’ ears.

‘Julian? What are you doing here?’

‘I was in town, had to make sure my old business partner hadn't given in to his age yet.’

Julian always was boisterous to say the least. 

‘Yeah well, one can hardly evade their slow decay.’

Magnus chucked into Julian’s shoulder, self depreciation at the expense of humour always was his strong suit.

‘Oh Magnus. What happened to the lively man I once shared many nights indulging the luxuries of life?’

Oh that. A time in his life Magnus had long forgotten, if only to prevaricate his belief that life is a beautiful struggle.

Julian rubbed Magnus’ forearm, a friendly and familiar caress unmistakeable in the dance between companions. A sure factor of Julian’s flirty nature but ultimately a revelation of what once was. A gesture that formally brought Magnus comfort, made his skin tingle and knees buckle, was now just plain awkward.Noticing the stiffening in Magnus’ posture, Julian moved his hand to Magnus’ shoulder, leaning in, Magnus felt his breath on his neck.

 ‘Come now old friend, relax. Or do I need to show you how, for old time’s sake.’

Winking, Julian meandered to the makeshift bar, in favour of his proclivity for heavier substances.

Magnus was nothing if not apprehensive. Why had this man from his past suddenly appeared, why now? Why when he was finally starting to feel a sense of tranquility and calm, when he was finally starting to wake up with a sense of real ambition. After their on and off again relationship all those many years ago, Magnus had vowed to never again grant another such a dominance over his heart. Julian had robbed him of his innocence, an innocence that did not concern sexual or romantic status, but rather zest and ambition for real affection. 

Determined to not ruin a joyous occasion, Magnus proceeded to join his awaiting guests that had filled his loft, promising himself to avoid Julian without suspicion. He knew that Cat would never have invited Julian had he requested, but Julian was a cunning man, a business man in all facets of life. He knew how to swindle his way into the most impossible of situations.

So the festivities commenced, they consumed copious amounts of liquor, danced until they could no longer stand and enjoyed the many cakes Cat had provided.

All too soon, Magnus was leaning against the back of the couch, almost at a point of total inebriation but not enough that he couldn't maintain a sense of bodily function. Although he was enjoying the company of his many friends, he couldn't help but feel like something was missing. Opening his phone, he navigated to his and Alec’s text conversation, laughing at the ridiculous jokes Alec frequently sent him at bizarre hours.

Before Magnus could comprehend, his phone was snatched from his fingers.

‘mmmm….Alec Lightwood hey?’

Julian speedily skimmed through the texts, locking Magnus’ phone and haphazardly throwing it on the couch. He slung his arm around Magnus, pulling the unwilling man towards him into an unreciprocated hug. Magnus felt Julian’s breath against his ear, as he gripped his shoulders.

‘You ready to stop this game and let have my way with you like we both know you still crave? I am irresistible after all.’

Magnus paled at the plethora of memories of nights he had shared in Julian’s embrace. Legs intertwined, arms flung across waists, waking up and staring into his piercing eyes. Quite frankly, Magnus felt ill.

‘Julian…ugh…no, stop!’

Magnus was quickly reminded of Julian’s physical strength, especially in holding other’s hostage in favour of his desires.

Glancing over Julian’s shoulder, Magnus froze.

It couldn't be, it just couldn't be. If anything could be more sobering, seeing Alexander Lightwood standing motionless in his doorway, surely would suffice. He stood there, jaw hanging, eyes full of pain and what Magnus took as deceit, darting his gaze between Magnus and Julian.

Before Magnus could act, Alec had disappeared, escaping down the long corridor in a swift exit. The strength of Magnus’ thumping heart catapulting him into action, pushing himself out of Julian’s embrace, he raced after Alec, praying he wasn't too late.

If ever Magnus could be thankful for such inanimate objects, today was the day his normally slow elevators had done him justice. Catching Alec as he paced in front of the doors, agitation and fury radiating off his tense body.

‘Alec, wait.’

Magnus approached the man cautiously, aware of his current reactivity. Alec’s eyes snapped towards Magnus, piercing into his own, ferocity so unlike his nature that Magnus was instantly filled with fear.

‘You…YOU! You planned this didn't you!!!! You and him!!! You planned it all!!! It was all a game to you!’

Alcohol draining quickly from his body, Magnus prayed his jaw would start functioning before he lost all inhibition and passed out from pure shock.

‘Alec, what!? What are you even talking about? What game? Who? Why would I…..’

Alec took a step closer to him, as he balled his fists in restrained rage.

‘You and Julian!! What do you both get off on this huh? Preying on broken young boys for your own gratification!? You make me sick!’

Alec turned to hammer his finger into the elevator call button and Magnus, well Magnus refused to stand here and have such preposterous accusations flung his way.

‘This is ridiculous. I can’t believe….’

Magnus was at a loss for words. Did Alec really think he would ever be Julian’s accomplice in such a cruel act?

‘You know what, fuck this. I’m not doing this.’

Right before Magnus’ aghast eyes Alec disappeared behind the doors of the elevator. He stood in a stupor, feeling the beginning of a splitting headache forming between his eyes. 

What the fuck had just happened? Alec was here? Did he come to surprise him? Did Julian know?

Julian.

Magnus raced back to his loft, eyes rapidly searching out among his guests, seeking the one person who had caused this mess. Finding him clinging to one of his assistants, Magnus grabbed his arm and with determined fury, yanked him onto the balcony.

‘What the hell did you do to Alec!!!’

The playful smirk that Magnus once found endearing, now infuriated him. What did he ever see in such a conceited and conniving man?

‘Alec was a beautiful prize. Too bad Mommy and Daddy didn't play nice. They did me a favour really.’

Magnus was not a violent man, but here, on this very balcony, he wished to inflict the most torturous of pain onto the man before him.

‘Get.The.FUCK.OUT!!!’

Storming off the balcony, he ignored his shocked guests who had obviously laid audience to the confrontation. Locking himself in his room, he flung himself onto his bed and wept.

He needed to talk to Alec, he knew that, but right now all he could focus on was the chaotic emotions whirling throughout his body. Rage, fury, pain, surprise, confusion but most of all fear.

Fear. Would he ever see Alec again? Would the man even want to talk to him? How could he continue his days knowing he had hurt the one person he had so quickly come to trust the most? He needed Alec to know that he did not support Julian’s devious ways. The realisation that he may have lost an important part of his recent life collided against Magnus’ chest. 

So this was destiny huh? What a cruel, barbarian, sadistic joke. In this moment, Magnus no longer believed he was meant for anything.


	6. Coincidence.

The incessant buzzing of Alec’s phone against the bedside table was maddening to say the least.

_\- 24 missed calls, 5 voicemails, 18 messages. -_

Magnus was persistent, he’d give him that. Many times throughout his restless night, Alec considered removing all remnants of Magnus from his life. He knew however that he could not fool himself, Magnus had long since carved a permanent route to his heart that even the strongest of men could not dismantle. 

To be honest, Alec felt stupid. No fancy words, or eloquent phases were necessary. He felt stupid for coming here, stupid for thinking Magnus would ever want him, stupid for granting him access to the heavy guarded fortress that surrounded his heart. Just when he was truly beginning to soften those long erected walls, all for a chance with this beautiful man. 

Although they hadn’t defined their relationship, Alec knew that Magnus felt something for him. Maybe not as strongly as he felt, but anything was enough for him to have hope. Especially after the raging internal war that the mere thought of the man had bought upon every crevice of his mind.

Now however, he wasn't so sure that the mutual attraction even existed. After seeing Magnus in the arms of Julian….

Alec refused to even permit that name access to his thoughts, preferring to bury it, along with all the harrowing memories that such a name released. Alec wondered if Magnus truly had known the full story the agony that man from his past had inflicted on him. How much he had lost, how quickly he had been on the verge of removing himself from this world. It didn't make sense to him, Magnus seemed so honestly confused when he confronted him. Was he truly innocent in all of this?

Unable to tame the tight feeling in his chest, Alec decided that he would make the most of his time in London. It had been a while since he had been in the historic city and thought it fitting to explore the recent developments in the metropolitan landscape.

First though, coffee. Coffee would never betray him, coffee would give him some sense of momentarily satisfaction.

Strolling for a few short blocks outside of his hotel, he entered into his favourite coffee shop only to be met by none other than Catarina. To be frank, he wasn't even sure that he could deal with her right now, for all he knew, she was involved in his recent deceit.

‘Alec, please, wait.’

Catarina. With her gentle voice and kind eyes, the kind of person who would made you feel guilty for the simplest of lies. When he had contacted her - with the help of Amelia - to organise his surprise, she had been nothing but kindhearted and understanding. Even though they only knew each other through mutual kinship, she was still friendly and courteous. She was a beautiful woman, inside and out, but no beauty could stop the agitation that was burning in his body.

‘Catarina, honestly, I don't want to do this.’

Alec genuinely just wanted his coffee and to escape this endless nightmare.

‘You need to know the truth. Magnus and Julian…’

He didn't want to anger, he wanted to remain calm, but something about those simply dichotomous names being spoken together was enough for him to snap.

‘There is no truth that concerns those two people that I ever want to hear.’

Catarina stood before him, her mouth agape, eyes searching his stony glare. He never should have reached out to her all those many months ago, never should have granted her permission to be involved in anything to do with his relationship with Magnus. 

‘Alec.’

Why couldn't she just leave it all alone?

‘Stop. Coming here was a mistake. Goodbye Catarina.’

With that Alec left. No destination in mind, he just needed to be liberated from the shackles of the pain the past 24 hours brought. If he was going to survive this next month in this city, he needed to develop a plan for his survival. Maybe that began with pushing away his recent deception and resurrecting those once formidable structures that he had previously softened.

Slowly Alec was beginning to realise  that maybe coming here was not a complete disaster. If anything it reminded him that at the end of it all, he was truly alone.

——

How Alec ended up in this dingy little pub, drinking ale and watching soccer at 11pm on a Tuesday night, he wouldn't know. Unlike the previous establishments he once frequented, he decided it best to avoid any chances of running into a certain person that he would rather evade. He had long since shut off his phone, in favour of the solitude being consciously aware of your surroundings brought. That’s what he told himself anyway. Alec couldn't bare to see that name constantly flashing on his screen any longer. He was in much too of a vulnerable state to avoid Magnus forever. Many times throughout the day he almost caved and responded to the flurry of messages from the other man.

‘This seat taken mate?’

Alec’s eyes rose and took in a short, stocky middle aged man. His russet hair carefully swept in the style of a young mid nineteenth century gentleman. To be honest, he looked like he was going to offer to complete Alec’s taxes. 

Alec was not actively searching to take someone home for the night, in fact it is something he had been avoiding. Long past the need for fleeting connections, he knew entertaining the thought would do no harm, plus he wasn't adverse to the company. 

Before Alec could respond, the man had taken residence next to him.

‘The names Ragnor, some people call me Rags, definitely don't call me Nor, but honestly I’m always open to suggestion.’

Okay. Alec as definitely not expecting that. Such a jovial manner from an admittedly serious looking man, that or he’d met his quota of drinks for the night.

‘Hey. I’m Alec.’

‘Sorry Alex?’

‘A.l.e.c.’

Alec hated when people mispronounced his name, but something about this man’s cluelessness made him less irritated and more amused.

‘Anyway mate, why the long face? Attractive man, sitting all alone, sombre look. Let me guess, guy problems.’

Wait a second, how did he know Alec as gay? This was getting a little bit strange, even for Alec.

The man smirked, lighting up his flushed face, definitely a lot of ale.

‘I’ve seen you on Grindr, nice pics.’

Oh. To say Alec was embarrassed was a slight understatement. He had totally forgotten about his profile and the more intimate photos he had once posted. Usually his hookups didn't converse much, more concerned with the need to be meet their hungry desires.

Okay so now maybe Alec was blushing. Since when did Alec blush, Alec made other people blush! This was just to acceptable.

‘Listen, whatever’s gotten you down, it can’t be that bad mate. Have you tried talking to him?’

If only this Ragnor knew. Alec wouldn't really call it ‘talking’ but he definitely didn't leave Magnus without a sentiment of his displeasure.

‘I’m taking your silence as a definite ‘no’. Well maybe you should give the bloke a chance, you don't like what he's got to say, you leave. Easy as.’

A chance. A chance to have his heart shattered, a chance to be deceived, a chance to be in the presence of a man who he put his faith and trust in. 

‘Ha! Ragnor. You make it seem so simple.’

Alec was still perplexed as to where this man emerged from. Who had sent this strange but curious man to him? and why was Alec actually contemplating taking his advice.

‘Closure mate. If anything, give yourself that. Eventually you gotta tie your shoes and jog on, the race is far from over.’

With that the man chugged the remains of his beer, taking his coat he proceeded to fish in his pocket writing down his number.

‘Here’s my number if you ever need someone to practise talking with.  Seems you could use it. Nice to meet ya!’

Alec sat in a momentary daze, trying to unearth what the fuck just happened.

With nothing to lose, Alec took the piece of paper and proceeded to turn on his phone to enter the number, lest he loses it all together. The stranger seemed nice enough, his manner of speech was quite amusing, maybe the small peace of joy Alec needed right now.

The moment his phone loaded it buzzed with a continuous stream of notifications from Amelia. Regardless if she was Magnus’ family, she was his best friend and he was concerned for her obvious distress.

_8.38pm_

_Amelia: Call me ASAP_

_9.23pm_

_Amelia: Please Alec, call me, it’s important._

_9.50pm_

_Amelia: I dont know where the hell you are, but when you get this you NEED to call me._

_10.30pm_

_Amelia: I’m calling you in a hour, you answer this phone or friendship over._

Before Alec knew it his phone was vibrating, as Amelia’s name flashed in the middle of the screen.

‘Alec!!!! Omg you're alive, I thought you had died.’

If only she knew.

‘Listen, I already know about you and Magnus. I’m not calling to berate you about it.’

Alec sometimes forgot how Amelia seemingly had a skill for knowing all without actually been told anything.

‘But Alec, you really need to talk to him. He is absolutely heart broken, I haven't heard my brother this distraught in a long time. You don't know what Julian has done to him. That’s not my story to tell, you need to hear it from him.’

Wait. Amelia knew about Magnus and Julian? Why hadn't she told him? Why had she allowed him to pursue her brother knowing they were both disastrously linked to the heartless man.

‘You…knew?’

Alec was really beginning to question who he could really even trust anymore. This web was spinning wider and wider and he really didn't know if he could remain to observe the slow crumble of the foundations he had built himself upon.

‘Look Alec, you need to talk to my brother about this. I knew of a former business partner that was giving him trouble but I never knew it was Julian. You know I love you too much to do that to you.’

He really couldn't deny the guilt that reverberated in the pit of his stomach for ever thinking Amelia would deceive him like that.

‘I love you too Mels. I promise, I’ll try.’

If tonight’s revelations were anything to go by, Ragnor and Amelia did share some sentiment of similarity in their opinion. He definitely needed to talk to Magnus, when and to what degree, that was for another time to decide.

His only promise to himself: he would bring closure to this situation and then with whatever pieces remained, he would once and for all truly move on.


	7. Decision.

Magnus couldn’t remember the last time he had reached this level of inebriation. Leaning against the a wall outside the front of the bar that he had long been evacuated from. Apparently tequila and twerking were not a great combination. Accidentally causing the owner of the bar to spill his drink all over his ugly white suit, karma really. The suit was horrendous anyway, he was probably doing the man a favour.  

Magnus tipped his head back to gaze at the stars, searching for something unknown even to himself.

In the past 24 hours, he had attempted to reach Alec a countless amount of times. It was become increasingly obvious that maybe the man simply did not desire him any longer. He had called Julian and strongly suggested that he leave Alec alone. Magnus even took it as far as too remind Julian of who his father was, a name that imposed concern and certain despair in those who knew of his reign. Magnus avoided any connection to his paternal lineage but he knew that if he stood any chance with Alec, he needed to remove Julian from both of their lives indefinitely.

With a heavy sigh, he moved away from the wall and staggered onto the sidewalk. His intoxication causing him to lose his footing and begin his gradual (well it surely felt slow) descent to the pavement.

Before he could reach his certain destination, he was holstered to his feet, a strong arm wrapping around his waist, steadying him.

‘Are you okay?’

Those familiar words that he at once uttered when he first laid eyes on this beautifully flustered man. 

If ever Magnus questioned the motives of the Universe, today was not that day, for standing to his side was his salvation. 

‘Al..Alex..ander…’

Magnus staggered once more. His brain attempting to grasp an understanding of his current situation.

‘Magnus, we should really get you home.’

Home. Stable, comfortable, familiar. All emotions he was feeling wrapped within this firm, warm body. Wait, how long had he been within Alec’s embrace? Had the man forgiven him for not telling him about Julian sooner? He still didn't understand the connection between Julian and Alec but Amelia told him that it was a story for only Alec to tell..

‘P..l.easse. Alex.ander… I’m sorryyyy.’

Magnus kept his face planted against Alec’s chest, listening to his heart beat rapidly beneath his thick jacket. He kissed the area over Alec’s heart, raising his eyes to look into those beautiful blues as he felt Alec’s arms slightly soften.

‘I know Magnus, we need to talk but not here and not while you're in this state. I’m taking you home.’

An explosion of affection burst from deep within Magnus’ chest at the command. Who was he to deny this man his every request, regardless of his current intoxicated state. He promised himself to tell Alec everything about Julian once he was in a more stable condition. This was not a conversation to be had with loose lips and elusive desires, rather a conversation which required a sound mind. One could never truly know the kind of deeply buried resentment and misery that could emerge.

 Something his current drunken mind could do nothing to protect him from. 

——

The gentle stream of water drummed against Magnus’ throbbing head. His shower was always a place he came to relax and release the woes and worries of the day. Right now however, it felt like being confined into a chamber of self inflicted torture. Apart from the physical effects of his drinking, Magnus felt a deep rumbling from within the very depths of his core. As if he was on the edge of some sort of agonising emancipation. 

With a limited memory of the events of the previous night, Magnus forced his weary body to attempt some kind of human activity. Activity other then spending all day fighting this hangover whilst wallowing in the misery that is his love life. The strange feeling of being so close to your ultimate desires to only find they were a fleeting dream. 

‘Oh, Alexander. What have you done to me’

‘mmM..Magnus.’

Either Magnus was still drunk or a messy haired, blue eyed beauty was currently stretching from his residence on Magnus’ couch. The shock alone was enough to render Magnus speechless. He stood motionless, staring at Alec, waves of confusion, excitement and awe pulsating throughout his veins.

‘You’re awake.’

If ever Magnus questioned what having an out of body experience was, he surely could lay claim to this moment.

‘You’re on my couch….’

Chuckling, with a look of fondness, Alec stood and shuffled towards Magnus, hand hovering over his shoulder. Magnus noted the hesitation in the man’s movements, as if with every move he was seeking permission to be in Magnus’ presence.

‘How are you feeling?’

Shocked, anxious, overwhelmed. After what felt like hours, Magnus’ body finally decided to function, grabbing Alec’s hand between his own.

‘Thankful.’

How could Magnus forget the surge of heat that Alec’s touch brought to his every senses. Eyes boring into Alec’s own, Magnus hoped Alec’s presence was more than just a coincidence. More than just fate pushing them towards each other. More than a moment that was written long before they existed. Magnus hoped Alec had chosen to be here, with him, in this moment. A moment he knew was going to change everything, a moment he knew he needed to seize and earn his blessings.

‘Alec, I don’t know how you got here but I am so happy you are. Thinking I was never going to see you again was one of the worst pains I have ever had to endure. You are much more important to my life then I think I have every admitted. Please, Alec, I need you here. I want you here.’

Holding Magnus’ gaze, Alec relaxed his hand out of Magnus’ embrace. Magnus’ heart surged in fear. Had he poured his heart out to this man too soon? Did Alec even care for him the way Magnus did? The past half a year of getting to know Alec had taught Magnus that he was not an erratic man, rather he was thorough and calculated. Magnus hoped his sudden confession hadn't caused Alec to erect those carefully structured walls that Magnus had spent so long softening.

Sitting down on Magnus’ couch, Alec patted the space next to him for Magnus to sit. Angling his body towards Magnus, Alec sat with his elbows against his knees, eyes searching around the room. Magnus stared at Alec in anticipation, hoping whatever the man was looking for he had found.

‘Magnus…I…I don’t know. I just….’

Alec steadied his gaze, studying Magnus’ face. Magnus hoped his openness was apparent in his expression and not the fear of losing Alec that was holding him hostage.

‘Tell me about Julian.’

Magnus didn't expect such a blunt request but he knew that if he was to savour the remnants of their…their friendship… he had to be forthright. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Magnus reached his hand out to Alec, resting his palm next to his knee, searching for a fragment of the comfort that the man brought him.

‘Julian and I…we were business partners.’

Scoffing, Alec rolled his eyes.

‘Really Magnus? Well it’s obvious that you both worked ‘closely.’’

Magnus felt the bitterness in Alec’s tone, a sure indicator of his distaste towards his unknown past with Julian.

‘Alexander, please. You have to know that I wasn't aware of Julian’s intentions, I knew of his conniving ways but thought he had long moved past that. After my ex-finance Camille cheated on me, Julian was nothing but comforting. He made me feel everything Camille had not, loved, cherished, wanted. What I didn't know was that it was all a ploy to force my company into his hands. He used my desires against me for money and power. He was the last person I ever allowed to get close to my heart. That is..is until I met you.’

Magnus shifted closer towards Alec, laying his hand on his knee in a gesture he hoped would portray the honesty in his confession. 

‘You have to know that I had no idea he was going to be at my party. I was just as shocked to see him as you were. I have no desire to be around that man and I promise you he won’t bother either of us ever again. I never want to see the pain I saw in your eyes that night ever again. Please, you have to believe me.’

Alec stood in haste, moving to pace in front of Magnus’ coffee table. Frequently glancing at Magnus as if attempting to decipher the mysteries of the universe. 

Magnus tracked his every movement, with each glimpse of Alec’s pensive face, he saw his opportunity to make amends with Alec drifting away from them both.

After what felt like forever, Alec finally stood still, crouching down he stared at Magnus with a look of worry.

‘Magnus, I’m scared.’

Magnus stood abruptly, kneeling in front of Alec and taking his face into Magnus’ hands, guiding their foreheads together as he exhaled.

‘You have nothing to be fearful of Alexander. I’m right here. I promise, I’ll always be right here.’

Lifting his eyes, Alec was encapsulated by the intensity of Magnus’ gaze. Surging forward he buried his face into Magnus’ shoulder, as Magnus clung to his shoulders. Alec’s body relaxed into Magnus’ embrace, breathing steadily as Magnus traced small patterns into his upper back.

Pulling back slowly, Alec lightly allowed his nose to brush against Magnus’. Before Magnus could open his eyes Alec was capturing his lips into a slow but steady kiss. 

If Magnus wasn't already so close to the ground, he surely would have collapsed by now. He did not expect the soft and tender meeting of their lips or the slow tear that rolled from his eye. Alec was kissing him, Alec was here, Alec who he thought he had lost to the clutches of his past indiscretions. 

Alec licked the seam of Magnus’ mouth, begging for entrance. Magnus was long past the ability to resist this beautiful man, allowing their tongues to dance in freedom and lust. Before Magnus knew it, he was on his back, Alec hovering over him, peppering light kisses along his jaw as he slowly sucked onto his neck.

Magnus was lost in the gentle pull against his skin. The heat vibrating throughout him was entrancing.

Alec lifted his head, weight resting on his forearm as he brushed a strand of hair away from Magnus’ damp forehead. Eyes beaming into Magnus’, Alec cupped Magnus’ face into the palm of his hand.

‘Go on a date with me.’

Magnus chuckled. This man had no idea the downfall of bliss that his voice alone brought upon Magnus.

‘Only if you promise this is how it ends.’

The tiny smirk on Alec’s face was more than just a gesture to Magnus, it was an invitation. A challenge, an enticement, an allurement into dalliance that Magnus had long surrendered to. 

The seduction in Alec’s eyes was one Magnus knew well. The need, the hunger, but also the promise. An assurance that beyond inevitability there was decision, an opportunity, a chance.

Magnus could not predict what was to come, but he knew that as long as he had a choice, he would always choose this man.

_His_ Alexander.  

 


End file.
